…and talking to myself.
I am having some “aha! moments” and it is only 7:30 in the morning.
This morning I realized that it is Little Miss Daisy’s birthday. She is now 6 years old, MashaAllah. I kept on thinking that her birthday was tomorrow and I was counting down those days. She was asking me this morning, “When am I going to be 6?” I told her tomorrow and then thought that that wasn’t right.
Since she is going to be my last child, I have been feeling sad for days…sad because time is just going by too fast and she won’t be that little girl any more in just a few more years.
After our little conversation this morning I had this “aha” moment. Why am I feeling sad for this when I should be happy and celebrating…life?
To really know me is to know that I linger in the past on a lot of things. Maybe that is why I have weight issues and I get depressed easily. I think about “what might have been” if “I had done this or that”.
Back in December 2009 I wrote this (more as a reminder to myself than anything else).
Sometimes our mind wanders and we think too much and then we feel sorry for ourselves for what should have been or what might have been. Don’t go down that path because the thoughts that follow are from Shaytaan (‘aoothu billahi) as per this hadith:
Narrated Abu Hurairah (radhi allahu anhu): Allah’s Messenger said, “A strong believer is better and dearer to Allah than a weak one in all good things. Adhere to that which is most beneficial for you. Keep beseeching Allah for help and do not refrain from it. If you are afflicted in any way, do not say: ‘If I had taken this or that step, it would have resulted into such and such,’ but say only: ‘Allah so determined and did as He willed.’ The word ‘if’ opens the gates of satanic conduct.” (Muslim)
Find ways to strengthen your imaan. Make constant dhikr. Always ask for Allah’s forgiveness.
Well, I didn’t take my own advice and didn’t learn a lesson…until today’s “aha! moment”…why did it take so long?
As I sat with Daisy waiting for her bus, I was thinking to myself,
“Why am I feeling sad? I can’t change the things I did or didn’t do in the past. But I surely can live right now…live in the moment…and celebrate it and do those things today and look forward to tomorrow.”
So I will celebrate…
Yesterday, I joined this 8-week Battle Challenge over at SparkPeople. It will be starting on January 31st. The challenge is all about commitment, setting goals, giving support, and getting support. I am committing myself to losing 20lbs by March 28th. InshaAllah (God Willing).
If you have been wanting to lose weight you really, really need to check this place out. They have an awesome nutrition and fitness system that you can customize to suit your needs. The support, inspiration and motivation you find there is amazing! I have never experienced anything like it online or offline. If you are having a bad day you write about in your status or blog about it on SparkPeople and you will get support from people you have made friends with and people who you don’t even know. It is so awesome…and it is FREE!
I also made some mini life goals for myself. I will be adding more as the days go by but these are ones that came to me when I was experiencing my “aha! moment”!
In order to learn to love myself, I will look at myself everyday in the mirror and have a positive conversation with myself. I took off my glasses this morning and did just that. I told myself, “Because I love you. I am going to take care of you.” I started crying because that was extremely difficult to do. Thinking about it just now has me crying all over again.
Another goal I set for myself this morning is to declutter my surroundings. You know FlyLady is a wonderful place (go check it out if you have no clue who she is). I think that if we live with clutter all around us it feeds into our “body clutter”. Clutter depresses us even if we don’t realize it. So my goal is to throw away at least 5 things everyday.
Well, my morning has started off really good and hope that all of you have a wonderful morning too.